This deeply sensitive and powerful debut novel tells the story of a thirteen-year-old who must overcome internalized racism and a verbally abusive family to finally learn to love herself.
There are ninety-six things Genesis hates about herself. She knows the exact number because she keeps a list. Like #86: Because her skin is so dark, people call her charcoal and eggplant—even her own family. And #73: Because her family is always being put out of their house, belongings laid out on the sidewalk for the world to see. When your dad is a gambling addict and loses the rent money every month, eviction is a regular occurrence.
What’s not so regular is that this time they all don’t have a place to crash, so Genesis and her mom have to stay with her grandma. It’s not that Genesis doesn’t like her grandma, but she and Mom always fight—Grandma haranguing Mom to leave Dad, that she should have gone back to school, that if she’d married a lighter skinned man none of this would be happening, and on and on and on. But things aren’t all bad. Genesis actually likes her new school; she’s made a couple friends, her choir teacher says she has real talent, and she even encourages Genesis to join the talent show.
But how can Genesis believe anything her teacher says when her dad tells her the exact opposite? How can she stand up in front of all those people with her dark, dark skin knowing even her own family thinks lesser of her because of it? Why, why, why won’t the lemon or yogurt or fancy creams lighten her skin like they’re supposed to? And when Genesis reaches #100 on the list of things she hates about herself, will she continue on, or can she find the strength to begin again?
This was another book that popped up while I was scanning for Black Experience stories surrounding the Black Lives Matter movement and protests following the murder of George Floyd. Not knowing much about it besides being written by and starring a PoC, I didn't really have many expectations save for the experiences I've already had with Angie Thomas's bombshells. This experience was less of a bombshell, and more of a slow burn—different, but equally effective.
Genesis's story is downright heartbreaking at times. I often read during my workday, and normally that works out just fine, but I had to be especially on guard for customers as I approached this book's ending, as I had tears running down my face from the emotions being hurled at me. Though a middle-grade story from a character standpoint, this is still as evocative as the YA-level books I've already experienced. Possibly even moreso for me due to the majority of its conflict being focused internally.
This book focuses primarily on self-hate and what factors can bring it about. I don't know more than what I've read in books about being Black in America, but speaking as someone who's been overweight since puberty, I know some of the stigma that comes from looking different and hating yourself for looking that way. Being told to "Love The Skin You're In" only works if your skin doesn't come with stereotypes or other negative reactions from friends and family. After all, how are you supposed to consider yourself beautiful when your own father derides you for your looks constantly?
That's probably what stuck with me the most, the internalized racism that Genesis's family feels, stretching back generations to modern day. It's not enough that white people look down on them, but lighter-skinned Blacks are seen as better-off than darker, thus more desirable. Genesis doesn't see whiteness as her goal (or even achievable), but just lightening her skin tone to that of her mom's would be better than where she is now, in her mind. She even sees her Black classmates in these terms, assuming a lighter-skinned girl is stuck-up just because of the way she looks.
Besides relating, in some small part, to the body shaming, I also found the school bullying very realistic. A lot of times bullying in books seems so extreme, like parents and teachers would have to be completely negligent to not notice the actions or effects. And, yeah, there are definitely cases of extreme negligence, but I'd argue that more often the abuse is verbal instead of physical, and those wounds are much harder to heal. Heck, I swore off dresses for the rest of my life after teasing in freaking 1st grade. And middle-schoolers are viscous. Not only are you dealing with the wonders of puberty, but there's also new social cliques, changing clothes in P.E., trying to find talent in extracurriculars, etc. High school has its own challenges, but I definitely felt for Genesis and her classmates, all struggling to navigate friends and foes in their classes.
Overall, I found the story both eye-opening and relatable, and I think most will find something important for them, too. While the trappings aren't as bombastic or revolutionary as the YA books I've read recently, its call to action is no less urgent, and its message no less fundamental: Love yourself, love others, learn from history or else be doomed to repeat it. None of these options are easy, and that makes them all the more important. If death or language or violence has put you off of reading the other Black Experience books I've reviewed, then I'd highly suggest this as an easier jumping-off point into the larger conversation.
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