Some Thoughts on 'Shipping

If you're in literature circles, have read lit news, or have any interest in the Harry Potter series at all, then you've no doubt heard the news that JK Rowling dropped a couple weeks ago.

For anyone not already in the know, it seems she regrets not pairing Harry and Hermione in the series, instead writing Hermione with Ron (and Harry with Ginny).

“I wrote the Hermione/Ron relationship as a form of wish fulfillment. That’s how it was conceived, really. For reasons that have very little to do with literature and far more to do with me clinging to the plot as I first imagined it, Hermione ended up with Ron.”
[JK admits Harry should have wed Hermione]

I'd seen the news here and there, on Facebook and dA and such, but didn't really think much of it. So J.K. had second thoughts on her writing, big deal.

It wasn't until I read an article on Bookish that I realized what everyone was getting out of sorts about.

Job Hunting? Don't Get Scammed!

It may be tempting to go for amazing job offers, but beware for you may find more than you bargained for.

While applying to jobs on the all-powerful multipurpose site, CraigsList, I stumbled upon a job that was far too good to be true.

Nothing too out of the ordinary here, more or less what many legit listings provide on the site (trust me, I've seen tons), save for that amazing pay. I mean, who wouldn't pass up $22.89 an hour?! And with bare minimum requirements, it was sure to draw a lot of applicants.

I sent in my resume and got a reply the next day with a fairly strange message. Nothing that would throw up flags, especially for someone growing up in the internet age, but a little strange nonetheless...

Re-Reading on GoodReads

As most of you should know by now, I'm participating in the 2012 Reading Challenge on GoodReads.

Now, GoodReads (GR) has been a great site for cataloging what books I've read, am reading, or want to read. I've created shelves for genres, lists for my challenges, and even gathered books I was forced to read in school. It has a huge listing of editions, summaries, and reviews. And if you hadn't noticed, I link to it all the time in my reviews, sidebars, and even have the app linked to my Facebook page!

But there is one thing that I wish they had...

A Re-Read Option

Has anyone else noticed that missing feature?

I tend to re-read books a lot. When the latest sequel comes out I like to re-read the entire series. Or perhaps it's for a reading challenge or book club. And heaven forbid reminiscing over an old favorite.

As it stands now, I can see a few different options to handle my re-reading.

Option 1: Don't count re-reads at all. Makes things a lot simpler, right? Unfortunately, this counts against my GR-sponsored reading challenge, as the "Date Finished" must contain the current year. I suppose I could say, 'computer be damned,' and make my own counter but...where's the validation in that?

Option 2: Change reading dates to current/last time read. I then add a personal note that tells me the last time I read it. Unfortunately, changing the dates read not only removes the book from my GR timeline, but also my Facebook one. It also gets complicated when I try to remember when I first read a book after I've re-read it a few times.

Option 3: Read/Review multiple editions of a single book. Unfortunately, that option hinders more than it helps. Firstly, it adds a copy to my overall books list, which is silly if anyone else looks through and finds 15 copies of the same book. Secondly, it clutters shelves if I label them with genre/theme/etc.. And lastly, it's confusing when I actually have read multiple editions (print & audiobook versions) of one book.

Obviously, I'm not a coding expert, so I can't say it'd be an easy thing to change. But here's the review form as it stands now. As you can see, under the main review space, there's "Date Finished" and "Date Started" followed by "Number of Times Read".

Now, here's the second part of the review form. As soon as you click the "I Own A Copy" box, a new section opens up, letting you fill in more information.

Why couldn't they add a "I've Read This More Than Once" bump-out?

I know I'm not completely alone in this, as there is a Suggestion Topic on GR specifically addressing the re-reading issue. Feel free to add your own two cents on the topic there, too.

But before you go off and do that, what do you think? How do you handle re-reading books? Is GoodReads the premiere book cataloging site, or do you use something different? Let me hear you howl!

A Defense of Book Reviews

This is something I posted a little while ago on DeviantArt, and in light of recent developments decided it was something I should share here as well.

If you've never been to DeviantArt, here's a little background info for you. dA is a site whose primary goal is the sharing of art. When you upload a piece (a deviation), whether it be a photograph, drawing, or text piece, you are given a number of categories to list it under. Under the Literature category there are the following choices:

Literature

Characters & Settings

Contemporary
Historical
Sci-Fi & Fantasy

Poetry

Children's
Emotional
Family Life
General Poetry
Horror
Human Nature
Humor
Narrative
Nature
Philosophical
Romantic
Satire
Sociopolitical
Spiritual
Transgressive
Urban

Prose

Fiction

Children and Teen
Family Life
Fantasy
General Fiction
Horror
Humor
Mystery & Suspense
Philosophy & Perspectives
Romance
Science Fiction
Socio-political
Spiritual & Occult
Transgressive

Non-Fiction

Academic Essays
Articles & Interviews
Biography & Memoir
Editorial
Emotional
General Non-Fiction
Letters
Philosophical
Reviews & Guides

Scripts & Screenplays

Full-length Scripts
Monologues & Solioquies
One-Acts
Screenplays & Teleplays
Skits & Sketches

That's 46 different options just for Literature! I use the Literature->Prose->Non-Fiction->Reviews & Guides category for all my book reviews I post there (mirrors of the ones here).

Another thing to note about dA is that it has groups. Groups can be about practically anything. From Dutch Jewelry Artisans to League of Extraordinary Gentlemen Fans to Any And All Poetry, there's pretty much a group for anything. And if there's not, it's super easy to make one. Groups are essentially for connecting members (deviants) with similar interests, collecting and displaying art/literature that appeals to that member pool. Some groups require membership in that group before submitting pieces, others allow any pieces from anyone so long as it fits the theme and abides by the rules.

And thus my story begins.

I've been a member of dA for about 5 years and I've never been much about groups. Sure, I run a LXG fan-group when I have some spare time, but as for my own work, I've never been much for exposing it.

That all changed when I started promoting our Smiling Moon Creations account. I realized if we were ever going to get any customers I'd need to start submitting our work wherever I could. We're in over 300 groups now...

But as for my own StormyWolf account, I still didn't do much in terms of promotion. Sure, I uploaded my reviews and linked them back here, but I don't think I ever got many clicks.

And then I read and reviewed Rusty Fischer's Vamplayers. Not only did I love the book, but I found out that it was being offered for FREE through the end of February. And as a book-blogger, I naturally wanted to spread the word to as many people as possible.

DeviantArt provided the perfect audience to get the word out. Between the vampire groups, the literature groups, and the review groups, I figured I could at least reach a couple interested people. So I joined and submitted my review to probably upwards of 30 groups.

A lot of groups turned it down. No big deal - I half-expected it from them. Keep in mind that a lot of literature groups don't accept non-fiction at all, and I don't have a problem with that. Sometimes groups' rules and guidelines aren't 100% clear, so I take a chance and join & submit my pieces anyway. If they're declined, I shrug it off and go along my merry way.

One rejection, however, rubbed me the wrong way.

I came across this particular group fairly late in the scheme of things. It was a literature-based group, and the group description said it would accept all prose, but not non-fiction, fanfiction or character guides. Okay, not a problem, on to the next group...

But wait! There's a Non-Fiction folder in their gallery. Probably a small change that they forgot to edit into the group description. So I thought I'd give them a try. I joined and submitted my review.

Some time later (the next day? I don't honestly remember) I receive a message in my inbox:

Group Admin: Please,submit works written by you,we do not really accept reviews.

Now, I wasn't completely certain what the message meant. Was I declined because they don't accept reviews? Or did they think that my review was copied from another person/source? I mean, I do link to this blog in each review, so perhaps they thought I was copying off another website?

On the off-chance that it was merely a miscommunication, I wanted to clarify that I had in fact written the review. At the same time I was a little insulted so I replied a bit tersely:

Me: So a non-fiction piece written by me isn't accepted? ...okay then.

Honestly, I didn't expect a reply. Oftentimes group admins are busy enough with reading through subscriptions that they only allow one communication per submission. But to my surprise, I got a response within the hour:

Group Admin: You did a review of a book,every person can do it and give a different aspect of a book and our group is not for promoting books,so,this group is about literature: poems,stories,visual poetry,etc...

Non fiction would be a story from real life,perhaps an anecdote in which you are plasming your own experience about something you lived.

Understandably (to any fellow reviewer) I was more than a little peeved, so I slammed back a reply:

Me: No clue what plasming is, but at least I know your narrow definition of non-fiction now.

No, seriously, wtf is plasming??? Anyway, after that I immediately unregistered from the group.

Well, this weighed on me for a few hours (the reply as a whole, not plasming). I mean, did book reviews really deserve such a brush-off? And what about the group description (or lack thereof)? I run a group and I know that as much as I don't approve of some of the art or lit I receive, I haven't made any guidelines or restrictions to the contrary, so I feel I'm obligated to receive those works. I know others don't share this opinion and use themselves as quality or appropriateness judges (honestly, I wanted to save myself the headache).

In the end, I figured the least I could do was address the rest of the group admins (all 26 of them) with my concerns. I sent the group a private note (only visible to the group admins) with the following:

Me: In response to the decline of my submission to the non-fiction folder...

For the record, yes, everyone can give their own opinion of a book, relating their experiences while reading it. But millions of people can also write about how they experienced 9/11, or what they're thinking about for 15 minutes. If what you're looking for is "Creative Non-Fiction," which is in fact a genre, then state that.

In fact, it would be most helpful to post that somewhere in the group rules, folder description or group description. Because right now, all you have concerning non-fiction is in the group description where it states, "We accept all genres of prose except fanfic, non-fiction, and character profiles." Obviously that's not true since you have a Non-Fiction folder.

In short, please don't insult me. I put just as much effort into what I do as anyone writing those non-fiction pieces that you have accepted in your gallery. And if you're rejecting it because of quality of the piece (which I doubt you've checked), then say that.

~StormyWolf
[followed by a transcript of my conversation above]

I received a reply in my inbox the next morning with (in my opinion) an even more flippant and insulting reply than I'd received previously:

Same Group Admin: Nobody insulted you,I gave you an explanation about why we declined your submission,non-fiction has nothing to do with reviewing books.

As I said,we accept literature,we don't need adding 'special names' to the non fiction in which we display or portray the experiences we have lived and we always check all what is submitted to any category,we decline all those works that simply lack quality as well.

Besides,why complaining if you left the group?
Note: I'm not sure whether the missing words were because of attitude or because English isn't her first language (as indicated on her profile page).

I was absolutely livid.

As much as getting into fights is kind of invigorating, I know that hurting and getting hurt doesn't give nearly as much satisfaction as reaching an agreement. It's not about being proven right (though that does feel great for a while) or wrong, it's about reaching a hard-fought state of common ground.

As such, I usually vent a lot, then delete most of what I write and go with a more tactful approach. I don't know if I achieved that in the following reply or not, but I believe I at least provided in a few important defenses for book reviews... This was my reply:

Me: Non-fiction is any written piece that is not fiction. This includes essays, opinion pieces, memoirs, biographies, historical accounts, etc., etc.. A review would be classified as an essay or an opinion piece. Rather than giving an opinion on religion, politics, or how my breakfast was prepared this morning, I gave my opinion on a book.

In other, yet similar, words, Non-Fiction is the over-arching category of all prose that does not fit under the category of Fiction. You/this group is obviously only accepting a small portion of Non-Fiction, of which the proper title is "Creative Non-Fiction" (Creative nonfiction (also known as literary or narrative nonfiction) is a genre of writing that uses literary styles and techniques to create factually accurate narratives. Creative nonfiction contrasts with other nonfiction, such as technical writing or journalism, which is also rooted in accurate fact, but is not primarily written in service to its craft.)

I'm merely pointing out that as your group lacks any visible definition (wrong or otherwise) of non-fiction, 'mistakes' or 'disagreements' such as mine are likely to happen again. Obviously I can't force you to take my reviews, but I can advise you toward preventing a repeat of this situation. I may not be submitting my work (non-fiction or otherwise) to this group, but that doesn't mean I can't take an interest in what my fellow writers may come across.

(In short, I agree with _________)

[I discovered before I posted the reply that another Group Admin had posted a reply of his own:

Group Admin 2: my personal opinion is that book reviews are, categorically, considered non-fictional prose, as are guides, essays, letters, position statements, etc. if we're going to preclude this specific type of prose, then we need to state that in our group rules.]

And for the record, I wasn't insulted that you declined my review. Your first response made it sound like you didn't think I wrote the piece, so I clarified that I had, it was my work, and it was non-fiction. Then you come back with a slight against book reviews as a whole. The "anyone can do it" line applies to EVERY form of literature, so why are reviews singled out?

Only reason I come up with is because they must inherently lack as much effort as other pieces. This could be the case if a book reviewer merely regurgitated the same drivel time and time again about every single book she read, but that would still come down to a quality issue. Since this was not sited in your reasons for declining, obviously quality was never investigated, such that it was a stigma against the sub-genre (yes, sub-genre of non-fiction) as a whole.

In your eyes, my work is inherently inferior to stream-of-consciousness or I-remember-when pieces. It's of no consequence that I put hours into researching (aka reading the book, possibly looking up additional information) my material. Or that I spend another few hours crafting my review so that it not only conveys my opinions in a tactful manner, even when I'm stating negative opinions, but so it also appeals to and engages my audience in a way that they are then compelled to act.

And this is different than any other piece of "literature" because...? Oh, because I'm recommending the reading of a specific book? I guess it would be more literary if I were telling them to support local animal shelters. Or take a stance on pro-life/pro-choice. Or telling them that poaching or terrorism or slavery or rape is bad. Yes, all those opinions are literary, but my reaction to the violence, desolation, and other horrors in The Hunger Games trilogy isn't because I have "review" in the title.

And I shouldn't be insulted because?

On some level, I'm still angry. It really is hard to separate yourself from a dispute when you've worked your butt off on one side of it for the past 2 years. I took hiatuses because I was overwhelmed by all the work I'd heaped on myself. I stressed myself out to the point where I didn't want to read at all. Was that all for nothing?

Sure, anyone can read a book. They might need a dictionary for some books, or cliff-notes for others, but the act of turning a page and absorbing information from the words on a page (or words being spoken from an audiobook) is accessible to anyone literate.

But a review isn't a simple, "This book was good!" or "I give it 4 out of 5 stars." A review's goal is to speak to its audience, connect with them, take them on a journey, and ultimately convince them to take a chance (or not) on a book.

Some audiences require critical literary analysis - what metaphors are used, how does the juxtaposition between the character and the setting work in this novel, did the author's divorce during the writing of this novel impact the outcome, etc.. Others might just need that star rating.

In my case, I try to appeal to an audience that reads Young Adult literature, so my tone is typically informal, my analysis focuses on the characters and key plot points, and I include what I think to be an appropriate age-range for each book based on language, violence and relationships/sex.

I write because it makes me happy. I'm not paid for it. I typically don't get much response from it. I've written a few fiction pieces, and even contemplated writing a novel once or twice. But writing reviews allows me to combine my two favorite hobbies: reading and writing. I don't know if I'll ever publish something of my own, but in the meantime, I can recommend the fantastic works that are already here. And that's why I review.

~~~

A couple days after I posted the above journal on dA, I got a reply from Group Admin 2 (the nice one):

Group Admin 2: That was about as well put as could be. FYI, I noted the group founder concerning this question of whether we accept this type of prose. I even suggested that we add a gallery just for this type of piece. I really like that you were able to define the group's slant as being towards "creative non-fiction". If nothing else, this exercise will help us better refine our galleries and define our audience. So, you have done us a service. And I would like to thank you.

~~~

And now, here it is almost a month later and I am ecstatic to announce that the group has recently re-named their "Prose - Non-Fiction" folder to "Prose - Creative Non-Fiction" AND added a "Prose - Essays and Reviews" folder to their gallery!

I haven't yet decided if I'll give them another chance, or if I'm going to resign myself to being happy for them and reviewers in general. What do you think?

Obscure Reference? Since When?!

Sunday was my grandfather's 76th birthday (yay!) and in celebration we decided to take him out for lunch. I'd never been to Applebee's, and he was in the mood, so we decided to try it out.

(Note, this is not a rant against Applebee's. It just so happens to be the setting.)

Now, my grandpa is a retired minister, which means (at least) two things: he's extremely outgoing, and he's capable of being very loud. His hearing isn't what it used to be, so he generally enunciates everything very pointedly and projects his voice louder than what it might need to be. Since we were in a noisy restaurant with talking and music going, this trait came in especially handy: we had no trouble hearing or understanding him throughout the meal.

Our server was probably around my age (early twenties), maybe a little younger. I don't know if he was having a bad day or if his personality was generally stiff, but he didn't reciprocate much of the jolliness that my grandpa tried to include him in.

When ordering, my grandpa made a joke that he wanted a candle in his shrimp dish. The server chuckled confusedly and asked what he was talking about. "What do you mean a kindle?" All three of us said simultaneously, "CANDLE," which he still looked awfully confused about. Grandpa finally explained that it was his birthday and he was just joking. "Oh, well, I don't think we have any candles, but save some room for dessert." Oh well, indeed.

Later, after we'd started in on our entrees, he came over to check on us again. And again, Grandpa tried to engage him: "Say, is there any way to get your music in here to play Seventy-Six Trombones?"

Server looks extra confused this time. He glances around the room as he says, "Uh, I'm not sure-"

Grandpa cuts in to explain more of the joke. "It's my 76th birthday, you see, and I thought that song would be fitting," he says with a big grin and a chuckle.

"Actually, I've never heard of it. Is it some sort of classical-"

"IT'S FROM THE MUSIC MAN!" my mom and I practically yell. "You know, the musical?" my mom adds.

"Oh... Nope, I've never heard of that."

If I don't look it on the outside, I definitely feel disgusted on the inside. Grandpa, meanwhile, dismisses the server from our awkward conversation again. "I was just kidding about the music. Thanks for checking in."

Since when is The Music Man
an obscure reference?!?!

And so, to prevent such atrocities from happening in the future, I share with you the following videos. Mind that these are all from the original 1962 movie staring Robert Preston, Shirley Jones, Buddy Hackett and an adorable young Ron Howard. Of course, if any of these great songs interest you, be sure to check out the full movie!

Okay, not from the movie, but all I could find was the finale version
- and who want's to give away the ending?
Ya Got Trouble
Pick-A-Little / Goodnight Ladies
Madame Librarian

That's right, Shipoopi was originally from The Music Man
Thank you Seth MacFarlane

Handbells - An Informational Rant

Perhaps you've seen the couple on Britain's Got Talent who played Titanic's My Heart Will Go On. Perhaps you've just heard ringing now and again at Christmas time.

Or perhaps you've seen the episode of Fox's show, New Girl, which happened to feature the instrument(s) known as handbells. As much as I like the show and appreciate their efforts to include a fairly unknown instrument, I can't say I approved their methods. Most of the sound produced may have been handbells (though it mostly sounded synthetic) but none-to-little of it matched what the actors onscreen were playing.

So, for those interested, here's a little informational rant summary on handbells.

Handbells, as indicated by their name, are a series of bells which are held and played by hand. To play, the ringer has to either hit the bell with an external mallet (like a xylophone or marimba) or swing the bell so that the inner clapper strikes the bell surface. There are other techniques to produce sound, such as plucking or the "Singing Bowl" technique, but these are mostly only in advanced groups. Clanking may occur when two bells bump into each other, so most ringers space them out as far as possible (but still within reach).

As with any percussion instrument, the sound only stops when the surface stops vibrating. Typically handbells are dampened on one's chest, or by laying it down on the padded playing table.

Each bell is sized for a specific pitch, much like a piano's strings. In fact, handbells are often colored off of piano keys, either by their handles or the handguards (disks separating handle from bell) being white or black. Thus, to achieve a full octave of 13 notes (C to C), you need to have 13 bells.

Because of the amount of hardware required, handbells are usually used by groups of ringers, forming a handbell choir. Beginners often start with 1 or 2 notes/bells, and their accidentals (sharps & flats). More advanced ringers may move to 4-in-hand (2 bells per hand) or even 6-in-hand (3 bells per hand) in the upper octaves, but the ringing techniques are much harder because of trying not to 1) clank the bells together or 2) play 2 notes at once.

Some ringers are skilled enough to be able to handle more bells by themselves, such that entire octaves or more are played by 1 or 2 people. This greatly reduces harmonics and undertones, since most bells are being played singly to produce the melody. You will see the majority of groups consisting of at least 4 or more.

Ringing techniques may alter the sound slightly, but really there is very little variation on how the note can be manipulated once struck. Swinging the bell back and forth can create a Doppler effect (a dimming then increasing in volume), or twirling the wrist while ringing creates a slight variation in sound, but the note never truly changes pitch or gets louder after being struck.

Handbells are most traditionally found at churches, but lately they've started moving into schools and outside organizations. Hillsboro, Oregon's Ring of Fire started as a school group, and has performed at events ranging from news shows to NBA games to Boston Pops concerts.

Bells of the Cascades is a non-profit organization that plays everything from Sleigh Ride to Pirates of the Caribbean. There really is a wide range of music available now, and even more can be made available if more music arrangers would get on the ball.

Though I have yet to find any phenomenal videos that really capture the sound of handbells well, below are a few that I've found to be entertaining or at least a proper showcasing of techniques handbell choirs use.

I've played handbells off and on for the past...oh, 10 years or so. They really are a lot of fun, and a great activity for those who've always wanted to learn music but haven't had the aptitude or courage for a solo instrument or voice. I've known people that couldn't even read notes who would play along by highlighting their music for when their left/right hand plays.

If you're interested in joining or forming a handbell group, I'd recommend checking out Handbell Musicians of America or searching for one in your country or local area.

Sleigh Ride performed by Bells of the Cascades at an informal concert.

Disney Music including Mainstreet Electrical Parade, How Do You Get to Wonderland?, Who's Afraid of the Big Bad Wolf?, Part of Your World & Parade Reprise.

Born This Way by Lady Gaga. Performed as a solo in 4 parts - this has especially great close-ups of technique!

Ring of Fire, an all-teens group, performing for a TV special.

Carol of the Bells similar to Mannheim Steamroller's rendition, played by the Golden Bells of Atlanta.

Beethoven's Joyful Joyful has a slow start, but don't worry, it gets faster

Owl City's Fireflies performed with handchimes - cousins to handbells.

Carol of the Bells Duet performed with a bell-tree & handchimes.

A little fun with the Super Mario Bros. Theme.

The Sabre Dance is typical of carnivals and cartoons, and this group definitely has fun with it.

Flight of the Bumblebee - one of the most difficult pieces for one person to play, let alone a group to be coordinated on!

This group adds some drama to their rendition of Pirates of the Caribbean.

Bells of the Cascades perform Sky-Tinted Waters, an original composition for handbells.

Want to learn a bit more? Check out the How It's Made episode featuring handbells!

Thank you for bearing with me, and I hope you've enjoyed.

Something To Say

This is a personal post, not a book review. Just going over some things, explaining my current situation, and hopefully setting a tone for the future. If you'd rather stay out of the drama, I understand and assure you that my next review should be coming up later this week. Thank you.


If you're still reading this, I guess I'll just get down to it. I'm sorry for April and May's unannounced/unexplained hiatus. I had a bit of a physical, mental, emotional breakdown in March, and that was taken out on this blog. I'd rather not get into the gory details (and I'm sure no one wants to hear them), but I'll just say that I've started some new treatments that seem to be helping things along.

I'm still depressed. Not really earth-shattering news in this economy, but being jobless really wears you down. Firstly you're depressed because you can't support yourself (or pay back your debt). Then, trying to rectify the situation, you send out job applications only to get absolutely no response or an avalanche of NO's, which only serves to lower your self-esteem. It's gotten to the point that I'm terrified of getting an interview because I feel like the first thing they'll see is a depressed person. And being overly self-conscious and overweight to begin with hasn't helped either. There was a long period of time where I didn't even want to go outside because I was paranoid some future employer would see me and I'd be sabotaging myself.

I still have some of that anxiety, but there have been improvements.

For one thing, my mom (who had also been unemployed for a couple years) finally found a job last week. And while it's not the most ideal pay, the environment is great and she's really enjoyed the work.

Also keeping me busy has been our family's attempts to start up a crafting business. Mom sews, (sister) Kristi knits, and I run all the electronic aspects—taking pictures, photo-editing, website management, research, spreadsheets... I don't plan on inundating this blog with non-bookish stuff, but I might make a post about it once we've got things up and running. In the meantime, you can check out our products on Facebook or DeviantArt.

As far as reading and blogging goes, I'm trying to get back into the swing of things. So far I've only been focusing on reviews—partly clearing out the shelves, partly taking care of promises owed—and I don't know if or when I'll have the time or energy to go back to reading all the blogs I've subscribed to. I'd love to get back in the habit of reading everything you guys are posting, and passing along the great contests and giveaways, but right now I have other things on my plate.

So, for the moment I hope you'll be patient with me. I hope my reviews continue to engage or entertain you. And I hope you all know that I appreciate your continued patience and support. Thank you.

It's Not Paranoia If They Really Are Out To Get You...

Gasp!

Two posts?!

In the same day?!

After 3 weeks of nothing?!

WHAT IS SHE THINKING?!

Well, I'm thinking that in addition to my latest book review, I'd probably best explain my absence. It's only fair, right?

Besides the obvious burn-out that occurred following my 26 days of posts, I didn't really have a reason not to post. Sure, my ideas weren't amazing/spectacular/awe-inspiring, but they were passable. And my fingers hadn't been gnawed off in the interim.

But, I was a little under the weather. Not health-wise (except for 2 days), but mental-wise.

I'm still a little afraid to say it...but I was...depressed.

But, because I'm looking for a job, I couldn't tell anyone, I couldn't show anyone, and God forbid I come off as a little unenthusiastic one day.

With employers scanning the internet for 'background checks' and anything else that can be used against you, I've got to be extra careful in crafting my status updates, tweets, and yes, even blog posts.

So, in short, I apologize for my recent absence, but I only had our best interests in mind. You probably didn't need to hear whining or mopey sentiments, and I couldn't risk potential bosses thinking I'm not upbeat and enthusiastic.

Still, the job search continues, but I'll try to crank out book reviews a little more regularly.

R is for Random

That's right, this'll be pretty much a stream-of-consciousness post. I won't guarantee it'll be relevant, entertaining, or insightful...but it's a post, and that's the only requirement I had for this challenge.

If you couldn't tell, my excitement about this challenge I set myself is starting (starting?) to die out. For one, I didn't plan everything out beforehand, so I still have some days (like this one) where I don't have a planned topic. Thus, not only am I coming to the table blog late in the game day, at which time I'm already tired, but I'm also having to come up with something on the fly that I want to talk/write about. Not my brightest idea ever.

So why didn't I plan things out beforehand? Well, when I came up with the idea (August 16), I realized that my P day fell exactly on the release of Paranormalcy. Who could ask for anything better? So I jumped in full-throttle and wrote the A post that very night.

And now about the only thing keeping me going is that I'm over halfway through...and I'm still looking forward to S, T, V, and W. So yeah, still no idea what I'm doing for U, X or Y...and Z is gonna be a stretch.

Ah well, at least I've stayed on track so far.

Which is more than I can say for keeping up with blogs. I'm currently over 2 weeks behind on about half the blogs I follow. I've got 552 in my UF/P folder, and that number grows about 50 per day. In fact, I finally caught up on my YA folder last night, and in just one day it's grown back to 42. Le sigh. I think I follow too many blogs.

*checks playlist...reshuffles*

I've recently been using music tracks I've found on YouTube instead of my iTunes music. It's probably not the best use of my processing power, but it's more current and much cheaper.

Oh, I updated my J is for Jokes post with a great joke I was emailed earlier today, and a hilarious video I found. You should go check it out!

I have to say, I'm slightly disappointed by the comments (well, lack thereof) for my posts. I know the content isn't 1st class or anything, but even a couple chuckles or responses to the questions might be nice. Perhaps I should check out that Google Analytics thing to see how many actual visits I get.

Or I could stop complaining.

Sorry 'bout that. I've been a bit down lately, and not just about the blog. I'm still job hunting, and my latest attempt, which I put A LOT of effort into, got me an instantaneous NO as soon as I hit submit. I'm not even kidding. Sure, I knew I didn't meet the specific qualifications (working in a library for 2 years & have coursework in Library Science) but I have a lot of experience which I thought was comparable. I don't think any of my work is even reaching human eyes. Ugh.

Meantime I should get back on the horse and continue submitting to other employers.

And read my e-ARCs. I won't lie, I'm not exactly jumping on the bandwagon here. I really just need to open the Adobe-Reader and start reading...but I'm just so easily distracted by the other things (blogs? videos?) I could be reading/watching on my computer. If I'm going to be reading lots of e-books in the future, I think I'd rather get an e-reader to do it with so I can better separate my 'work' and play.

Sorry, more complaining. Maybe I'd be better off just pointing you to a video. Here's what's playing right now: Huddy - Everytime We Touch (Cascada). Sorry, I'd normally embed it, but embedding's been disabled.

Yeah, I'm a huge Huddy (House/Cuddy) fan. Have been since season...2 when I started watching. I'm super excited that it's finally happening this season! Fall can't arrive soon enough. ...Wait! It's already September!!! How much longer?!

Okay, I'm addicted to TV. House, Bones, Glee, Fringe...and a lot more that my tired mind isn't coming up with. No, I'm not ashamed to admit that I like books AND television. If you ask me, TV writing often has to be just as witty and precise as book writing. So...there =P

Well, I think my brain's just about dead. Hope you've enjoyed 45 minutes in my head. Now to find and link to the books and video seen below...

Oh, and if you'd like to help me out, mind coming up with fun topics for days U, X, and Y?

Some R Books I've Read:

A Rowdy R Group:

The R Font:

Remember When Books Were Short?

No, I don't mean short in length, I mean short in size! I know I've made small mentions about this before, but I've decided it's about time I take a stand and get some more opinions on it. I mean, I'd like to be published eventually, and I guess if anyone knows more about it than I, I'd love to be filled in.

Anyway, I'll present my own problems and thoughts, then I'll open it up for replies and other opinions.

So, a couple weeks ago I was walking through my local Powell's when I happened upon an amazing deal. A used copy of Poison Study by Maria V. Snyder. Now, if you've seen this at any used bookstores, or perhaps, if you Google it, you'll notice that it's been reprinted a few different times:

There are a few more covers out there (possibly from different countries), but these three were the ones I saw at the store.

Now, I'm not usually a cover snob (except, of course, in terms of damage), but of these three, I'd probably normally veer toward the third. However, the deal was specifically on the first: it was used (and still in great shape) for only $3.50! And with all the positive reviews I've been reading, I knew I couldn't pass it up.

Yet, I wavered. I put it back and walked away. It gnawed at me. I returned and picked it up again. I bit my lip, chewed my nails, shifted my weight back and forth, and stood there for a good five minutes before finally gripping it and taking it up to the counter.

Why? No, it wasn't low funds (I had a gift card). No, I didn't have doubts that I would enjoy it. No, I was sure I didn't already own it... It was the fact that it was printed a while ago (possibly a first printing) and the second and third books were not in the same format.

Okay, call it anal retentiveness, call it OCD, call it gooberocity (okay, maybe not), but I prefer my series to be all in the same format. If one book is Mass-Market, I'd like the rest of the books to match. If one book is Trade-Paperback I'd like the rest to be, too.

Given my preference, I'd take Mass-Market anytime (which is good, since that's what the first cover is). Firstly, I own more books in this format, so it 'fits' better on my shelves. Secondly, they cost less, so the deal-finder in me is naturally inclined to prefer them. Thirdly, they are more compact, thus are easier to carry around in a purse, or whatnot, without receiving damage.

Alright, I hear what you're probably saying... "So what's your problem? Just buy the Mass-Market edition and leave us alone."

Well, I would...except, have you seen bookstores recently? Have you looked at the YA section? I swear, 95% of the books there are Trade-Paper! And I have no idea why!

Is it the cover? Do these new designs require more space, ie larger covers? Is it simply the old adage that bigger is better? Is this a buying trend? Are the publishing companies money-hungry? Are bookstores requesting the larger printings because they're easier to see on the shelves?

Okay, hang on a second. Before you paint me as conspiratorial, let me give you a better illustration:

I happen to own two copies of Tamora Pierce's Trickster's Choice. Since she's a well-known and Bestselling Author, her books are now being released first in hardcover. This hardcover was in September 2003 and sells for $17.95.

Since I generally abstain from hardcover buying, I held out and got the Trade-Paperback on the left. It was released a year later, in September 2004, and sells for $8.95.

The copy on the right is the Mass-Market Paperback. It was released 4 years later, in 2008 by a subsidiary of the original publishing company and sells for $6.99. I chose to buy this version because I own all her other books in this format, and, as I explained before, I like things to match.

Do you see any difference between the two? Okay, there's a little more text on the smaller version ("The New York Times Bestselling Author"), but really there's absolutely no difference!

Let's take a look at the backs:

I know it's a bit small...but if you can read both descriptions...they're completely identical. The only extra text on the Trade-Paper are the acclaims, which have been included inside the Mass-Market.

Other differences include the barcode size (larger on the Mass-Market), the mirror of the cover image (ghosted background on the Trade-Paper, cut-out and bordered on the Mass-Market), and font colors (green highlights on the Mass-Market).

Inside, the books have the exact same page numbers (422). The maps are the same, and both even have the same preview of the sequel book. The Trade-Paper font is, of course, larger than the Mass-Market, but the smaller size isn't difficult to read. Especially for teenagers who, you would think, still have fairly healthy eyes/don't squint at small fonts.

So, which of these do you think I'm keeping? And which do you think you'd see on the shelves at bookstores?

Here's what I think might be going on... Bookstores/Publishing Companies probably prefer* the Trade-Papers for a few reasons:

1. They are essentially hardcovers re-bound in paperback, so are easier to continue printing.**
2. Larger books fill the shelves and are more eye-catching than smaller (especially for younger audiences).
3. It is perfectly reasonable to charge a higher price for a larger product (since material costs are higher***).
4. Some people may prefer this format.
5. Those who prefer the Mass-Markets might concede during the long wait.
6. Offering 3 separate formats will make more money from book fans/collectors.

Meanwhile, I prefer Mass-Markets for a few other reasons:

1. They are normally skinnier and so I can fit more on a shelf.
2. They are normally a uniform height**** and so allow for easy double-stacking in my bookcases.
3. They are compact and easily transportable in my purse or bag.
4. They are firmer and tend to resist flopping open and getting bent.
5. They cost less and so I can buy more.

As far as releasing Mass-Markets later than Trade-Papers, I don't mind a little bit of a wait...so long as I'm sure it will be released eventually. There are a few books I'd love to own, but if I buy them in Trade-Paper and then a month later (or even a year...or four) they're released in Mass-Market, I've just wasted money. But there's no way to know when or IF they're planning on Mass-Marketing a book...

So... What do you think? Do you have a preference one way or the other, or do you just buy whatever's available? Do you think this trend is here to stay, or will they eventually make the transition back to the smaller size? Should publishing trends change, or am I the one who should change?



*This is purely my own speculation—I don't have hard facts.
**I know that some 'Trade-Paper' books are merely softbound versions of hardcovers, but not all. I also do not know the specifics of printing costs. It merely seems logical that the less changes that have to be made, the less cost.
***Again, I do not know printing costs, so I don't actually know that it costs more to produce a Trade-Paper than a Mass-Market. Again, it seems logical that more paper and more ink per-book would cost more. Then again, perhaps they simply print less Trade-Papers than Mass-Markets so the ink/paper costs are equal...
****I currently own 20 Trade-Paperbacks and they come in 5 different heights...

There's Nothing Worse Than...

...having a problem you can't fix. That's right, this is another installment of Vicki's Technological Woes.

Remember my post about backing up things because my external hard drive died? And my plan was to purchase another external drive to back everything up on? Well, it's been forever (3 months) but I finally did it.

Or, my dad did it for me.

Tuesday I got an early birthday present: a 2TB (2 TRILLION byte) external hard drive with automatic backup software. It's black and shiny and quiet and not too big and I love it! Or...well, I would love it if I could get the darn thing to work.

I plugged it in Tuesday night into my USB hub and about 15 seconds later I get the Blue Screen Of Death (BSOD) and my computer restarts. I go ahead and let it boot up, wait as all my start-up programs get started...and the BSOD comes up again and restarts - all before I can see the name of the error.

Rinse and repeat two more times.

The last time, though, I FINALLY get a glance at the error name:

Bad Pool Header

Okay! Now I know what to look for! I unplug the hard drive, let everything boot up, open Firefox, pop up Google and get to searching.

A few of the sites tell me it's a problem with my Registry, which is essentially the go-to guide for how a computer runs, and that if I purchase a Registry Cleaner software, it'll fix my problem. Luckily, I already have a free program that cleans my Registry (CCleaner is awesome), so I go to it. I clean the registry, plug in the drive and...

Bad Pool Header

Okay... Well, when I ran my anti-virus diagnostics program, it said I had low memory...and sometimes when I leave my laptop on for long periods of time (remember, Windows XP), like a week, it gets the BSOD from lack of memory...

So on the next restart, I go into my laptop settings and enable the slow-start Memory Test, which pretty much slows everything down, but should ensure a safer start. I also figure I should connect the drive directly to my laptop, instead of through the hub.

IT WORKS!!!

The auto-run software installs, I get through a back-up of my laptop in about an hour, and I figure now's the time to back-up my old hard drive. I "safely remove" the new drive and plug it back into the USB hub...

Bad Pool Header

Okay...maybe it doesn't like receiving the new drive except at boot-up? The computer restarts (with the drive plugged into the hub) and crashes again. I unplug the drive, and head back to Google.

This time I find sources that say the Bad Pool Header is specifically a driver error. Drivers are the software that hardware requires to tell the computer how to use it. So, that installation CD that came with your printer? In addition to the programs it had you install, it also gave your computer its driver information, essentially telling it how to run the printer. Or any other hardware you might want to tack on (web cams, wireless components, disk drives, external hard drives).

My external hard drives are both plug-n-play—they have the driver information in an auto-play format, so as soon as they're plugged in, they install the driver info automatically. But...apparently something isn't gelling, and the computer isn't liking the hard drive's driver.

Most of the advice is to uninstall the problem driver(s) and then reinstall it, since the old version was probably corrupted. But...I've done that about 5 times now and the computer still crashes every time the new hard drive is plugged in.

Another solution I thought might work was plugging the hard drive directly into the laptop again. My USB hub is old and (probably) isn't USB 2.0 compatible, which is what the new hard drive requires. So I've booted it a few times with it hooked directly in...and still only get crashes.

By now, you're probably all thinking it's something faulty with the new hard drive. Except...it works on my sister's computer just fine. Plugged it in, denied installing the software, copied everything from my old external drive onto it (with 1.7TB freespace still available), still works great.

So now I've come down to the decision of resetting my laptop—wiping everything and starting over with the factory CDs, then re-installing all my programs and transferring all my documents over from the new hard drive. Quick and easy, right? Well, not quick, actually, since it'll take many hours and many restarts to get all the Windows Updates taken care of, then a few more to install my programs and printers and...

And what if it doesn't work? And all my documents are still stuck on my external hard drive?

This problem has haunted me every hour since Tuesday night. I seriously worked on it all day yesterday (one of the only perks about being unemployed) but with nothing to show for it. I just can't fix the problem. Sure, I can erase everything and start at the top, crossing my fingers and hoping it'll be okay, but I'll never know exactly what went wrong. I wouldn't have fixed it.

On the bright side, at least I'm getting all this frustration out before my birthday.

Fighting Getting Older

I had to laugh at myself last week. Yes, I know it's theoretically a good practice to find something humorous about yourself, but this time I really did have a good laugh at my own expense.

I dislike answering the phone. Partly it's because I often don't know what to say on the phone. Especially with calls coming in. First, the call itself is a surprise. Then, in my room with my ancient Nickelodeon Phone, there's no caller ID to tell you who it is. Thus, I have no no way to prepare. And I like having some semblance of control in my life.

But, I suspect, it's mostly because the calls coming in are never for me. I still live with my mom, and as such, most calls are for her. But, with her being at work at strange(er) hours recently, I've taken to answering the phone and taking messages.

So, last week I get a call from some survey agency that she's signed up with, asking if they could speak with her. Contrary to popular belief, this is a call she actually would want to take. I pause a moment before telling them she's at work. The caller asks if there's a better time to call. I pause then tell them her hours, and that it's probably best to call back the next day before a certain time. I'm thanked, and the call ends.

Now...I don't know if you noticed, but I repeated an action during the above situation...

Found it yet?

I paused. Twice.

Sure, I could be just taking a moment to think things through. Going over my words so they don't come out jumbled. It's perfectly natural, right?

Actually, what I was really doing was...debating if it was okay to tell them my mom was at work. You know when you're little and your parents tell you A) not to answer the door or the phone when they're gone, or B) never to tell people you're home alone? Yeah, I still had that going through my head.

And I'm 22!

In related news, I also had a job interview last week. It was for a position unloading trucks and setting up displays at 4am. Not the best job in the world, sure, but they pay wasn't bad, and the hours would leave me open to relax/write/get another job later in the day.

I was nervous, and I completely missed one of the questions ("Why do you want to work as a [job title here]?"), but I thought the interview went fairly well. I was told I would hear back in the next day or two by phone (meaning YES), or email (meaning NO)...or postcard (meaning NO...but really, wtf?).

I got an email:

Hello
Victoria,

Thank you for taking the time to apply with us. We are unable to offer you a position at this time, but we do appreciate your interest in [Company].

Arg! Was it because I went on vacation this weekend? Was it because I forgot to mention how stoked I was about that specific job? Was it because I'm over-qualified—they first called to inquire if I had supervisory experience (other positions I applied for), but I didn't, so then they asked if I was interested in this job—even though I just want a job? Did the person in front of me get the job?

So many questions. So many possibilities. But only one answer, one reason I'll never hear.

Getting older sucks.

Coupon Addiction Or Disloyalty?

I just got an e-mail.

No, it's not from a friend or loved one.
No, it's not from Facebook or YouTube or Twitter.
No, it's not a reply from a job application (not even a rejection).
No, it's not spam (spam spam spam spammity spam wonderful spam!).

It's from Borders.
And it's a coupon.

Now, this isn't by any means a rare occurrence.
I usually receive a coupon from Borders once or twice a week.

See, I signed up for their free Borders Rewards card,
so I get e-mails with coupons
or events
or promotions
or new releases
at least once a week.

It's really nothing to get excited about.

Except, Borders tends to send out different coupons.

Usually, it's 25% off one item
(not including blah blah blah or blah).

Sometimes you get the occasional 30% off.
Maybe they'll have a week or two where it's 33% off.



But then...







Just when you least expect it...












40% OFF ANY ONE ITEM


And sure enough, I'm scrambling to figure out what I'm getting.

Doesn't matter that I'm unemployed and am low on funds.
Doesn't matter that I could wait and find it used for cheaper.
Doesn't matter that I'm probably buying something I don't need.

It's 40% off.
And it's for two days only.
(Actually, 99% of the time they extend the sale for 3 more days.)
(But what if they don't?!)


Hi everyone. My name is Vicki and I am obsessed with coupons.

Actually, I'm pretty much obsessed with sales in general.

I constantly scan the book section at Goodwill for books that I'm interested in; things I've seen on the shelves at Borders or Powell's. They sell paperbacks for $2, which, honestly, is a steal.

I also love looking around Jan's Paperbacks for good deals. They sell paperbacks for half the cover price plus a quarter ($.25), plus you can bring in some of your own books and get store credit. Finding an older copy of a book (back when they were all $4.99) can save you a lot of money.

Even when I was still in school, I'd order my books off Amazon rather than use the campus bookstore. Sure, you'd have to wait a little while and the condition wasn't always the greatest, but when you're in college every little bit counts. And sometimes having notes in the margins isn't a bad thing.

But recently I read a blog post by THE INTERN about being 'loyal' to the publishing industry.

A few years ago, INTERN read an essay (a rather irate essay, if INTERN recalls correctly) by an author who argued that nobody who doesn't buy new, hardback literary fiction at its full price should be allowed to write literary fiction (or at least, try to get it published). This author set the minimum new hardback purchase quota at something like twelve books per annum. Her reasoning was that authors and publishers of literary fiction rely on hardcover sales to make the whole kerfuffle worth kerfuffling, and that one is simply hypocritical (and a big meanie!) if one wants to see one's name in big letters on a hardcover book but, er, declines to buy them. [link]

Now, I own a total of ten hardcover books. Seven of those are Harry Potter, two others were gifts, and one was bought for IB English.

If you read my review of Bone Crossed, you'll remember my rant about being a Paperback Purist*. I find them bulky, not comfortable, and ultimately, more prone to wear than my paperbacks. ...Strange, eh?

I will admit, I baby my paperbacks quite diligently. I never crack the spines (and don't loan them out to anyone that does) and barring natural disasters (or torrential downpours) I keep them dry and clean.

With hardbacks (specifically my experience with the Harry Potters), I always remove the paper jacket so it doesn't get ripped, folded, or stained, leaving the (often ugly) covered cardboard exposed. The cardboard corners are rarely left unbent; the substance covering the cardboard (sometimes threadlike, sometimes paper-based) becomes stained and/or thins on the bottoms and corners, sometimes revealing the material underneath; in larger books the inner binding isn't always applied well, so the book starts to shift within its cover. Add in that these are only comfortable to hold while resting on a surface (table, bedcovers, armrest, stomach) because of their weight, and you've got an unattractive, bulky nuisance.

But let's say I did decide to change my buying habits and go completely hardcover... I still wouldn't buy at full-price.

As stated before, I shouldn't even be buying $2 books, let alone $24 ones! Don't get me wrong, I have authors I love (a healthy, distant love) and support wholeheartedly when I can. I simply can't get up the gumption to shell out $15 or more for a book when I know I can get a year from now for $6 (with coupon, or $2 if I strike gold at Goodwill). Even with required textbooks, why the heck would you spend $60 when you could get a decent used copy for $30?!

If you think about it, I could buy two paperbacks (with coupons) for the same price as one hardcover. So, if I'm buying twice as many books a year...isn't that better for the publishing industry? And if I review the books and/or recommend them to friends (or strangers) who have funds...isn't that even better?!

As far as, "if you aren't supporting the industry financially, you shouldn't be writing for it" all I can say is...shut the hell up.

You wouldn't tell an impoverished musician, "You can't buy CDs, so you can't sing." The same goes for writing. Just because someone has to rely on their library for all their literary needs, you can't tell them, "You aren't allowed to write."

Do I want to be published?
Hell yes.

Do I want to make money off of it?
Yeah, that would be nice.

Am I going to throw a tantrum if I ever see a copy of my book as 'discounted' or 'used'?
Heck no.
Just means someone else has a chance to read and enjoy it.

* Paperback Purist. I am totally coining that term!© Me!

One (Small) Step at a Time

Have you ever been faced with so many possibilities that you don't know what to do? Perhaps you've gone to a new restaurant with a free meal voucher and couldn't decide which of the 10 appetizers, 15 entrees, 20 sides, 10 soups, and 12 deserts to choose. Or maybe you've been to a buffet and had trouble picking the perfect combination of items to fill your first (second, and perhaps third) plate.

Well, right now I feel like I have about 6 plates worth of food waiting for me and they're all scrambling to be on the first trip.

Here's just a sampling of everything that comes to mind right now...

Research/Write Resume
Search for Jobs
Exercise
Eat diet food / Not eat junk food
Clean my face
Make an effort to be presentable
Clean my room
Organize file drawers
Revise my screenplay
Write this blog
Write my author's profile for DeviantArt
Write RP posts
Write for fun
Read library books
Read my book club's book
Read the huge collection of unread books on my shelves
Watch the last 8 episodes of Dollhouse
Catch up on NCIS
Watch random TV
Play video games
Surf the internet
Draw for fun
Design shop items
Design floorplans
Keep in touch with friends
Sleep

Every single one of these actions is preceded by an "I should," and frankly, I'm getting tired of needing to do things. It's bad enough to know you should do one or two things, but when there's a list of over 10 things needing your attention, you (or rather, I) start to feel a bit useless. 'Overwhelmed' doesn't even cut it anymore; I just feel downright useless.

I Should...Research/Write Resume ~ Search for Jobs
Being unemployed is disheartening in and of itself. The job market is cruddy for everyone, and being a new college grad just makes it that much worse. Well, no, I'm sure there are college grads out there who just finished med school, law school, or some high tech degree and have 3 jobs lined up at their fingertips. But for we (fools) who graduated with a Bachelor of Arts Degree, and who don't want to teach...yeah, it's pretty slim pickings.

I've found a couple job listings for "Writers" or "Tech Writers" and it seems every one of them requires "At least 5 years/7 years experience". While I have been writing various things over that period of time, it definitely hasn't been technical writing, nor has it even been professional or published. How is one to obtain that experience if no one will hire anyone without it???

I did find one job that I might be able to do... Though, the more I think about it, the less I think I'm qualified. It's an Administrative Assistant/Technical Writer position that only requires '2 years experience'. Now, I've never worked as an Administrative Assistant either, but I figured there really wasn't much to it but office work. So I asked an employment agency representative if I could have more information about that job...and that's where my confidence ended. The further down the list of required skills she went, the more I wanted to apologize for wasting her time and leave. But I managed to hold my place and give affirmations of my ability long enough to get the address to send my resume to... Worst they can say is 'no', right?

I've also thought about getting a Teller job. Sure, it's not anywhere near where I'd like to be, but it'd bring in an income. And though math was not my major (hell, I haven't done math seriously since physics in freshman year), I figure I can still manage simple arithmetic and typing on a keyboard/calculator.

And that just leaves actually creating a resume. I went in to the employment agency last week to get some help, but without something for them to look at, all the help I got was a walk over to the bookshelf for some Resume Examples. I guess I just have to go ahead and slap down my accomplishments (or lack thereof) onto a sheet of paper so I can get some serious advice. Maybe I'll even print out a few sheets worth of ideas and have a counselor help me copy and paste.

One thing's for sure: I am NOT making a job-experience formatted resume. 2 cashiers positions and a glorified cleaning position does not translate to anything I have any interest in doing.

I Should...Exercise ~ Eat diet food / Not eat junk food ~ Clean my face ~ Make an effort to be presentable
Part of my low self-esteem stems from my constant struggles with my body image. I know I'm not healthy, and I know I need to take steps to fix that. I've been on a diet before, and I saw great results - down 50+ pounds in half a year. That was when the entire family went on this diet, cleaned out the kitchen/pantry, and made a concerted effort to support each other. Then, after a few months, the rest of my family started reintroducing all the junk food (aka good-tasting food), and my willpower (never being very good) broke down.

We still have a cupboard full of this diet food. It isn't the worst-tasting food. It isn't even complicated to make (add water, stir, heat for a minute, depending on the meal). It's just a matter of knowing that there are other, better-tasting options in the same place, or just a quick trip up the road, that is proving to be my continued downfall.

It doesn't matter that I've regained all the weight I lost. It doesn't matter that I don't fit into the clothes I bought at that time. It doesn't matter that I hate seeing myself in the mirror. It doesn't even matter that the diet food keeps coming every month. My guilt seems to stop as soon as I walk into the kitchen, and then I reach for the milk, box of cereal, and container of sugar. It's even fitting that the metaphor beginning this article had to do with food, isn't it?

Exercise is in the same boat. It'd be so simple to just get up and pop in the Wii Fit, but the TV is already on something else. Or my mom's watching it, and I don't want to interrupt. Or I just showered, and I'd just get sweaty again. Or I want/need to go somewhere in an hour and don't have enough time. Need an excuse? I've got a ton of 'em.

Cleaning my face is a(n admittedly) recent addition to my plate. Throughout high school and college, I will admit that my personal hygiene was not up to par. However, cleaning my face and applying makeup (mostly just a base and eyeshadow) have become almost necessities now, since they have managed to allow me to look in the mirror without grimacing. And, really, the smallest amount of self-esteem is worth it. But it still takes time, and I often find myself unwilling to put forth the effort if I don't plan on leaving the house (an unfortunately often occurrence).

I Should...Clean my room ~ Organize file drawers
Cleaning my room is just one of those tasks that (a) I have it in my mind that it should be done in one sitting, (b) would probably only take half an hour so I put it off until something else comes up, and (c) never seems fun to do. Honestly, my room isn't the messiest in the house (that honor belonging to my mom or sister), but I can't say that I enjoy looking at the disorder. It's just easier to.

Organizing my files was a task that I decided on after I moved back after college and still hasn't gotten done. I need a box or two for my high school stuff (or maybe just a recycle bin), and then another one for my college stuff. I'm a bit of a pack rat, though, so I'd love help doing it...and I don't see that happening any time soon. Le sigh.

I Should...Write this blog ~ Revise my screenplay ~ Write my author's profile for DeviantArt ~ Write RP posts ~ Write for fun
Yes, writing, though one of my loves, requires an effort that I am having trouble conjuring up recently. Even this blog (as I'm sure you've noticed) is a week late. And while I could conjure up a whole list of excuses (see those above against exercise), it all comes down to not having accountability. The deadlines are gone, the guidelines are gone, and I'm still reeling from the shock. I could never be my own boss, because then nothing would get done.

My senior thesis was a screenplay, and frankly, it turned out quite shitty. I think my plot is solid, I tried my best to keep my characters grounded, and the dialog is probably passable... But I was rushed on the ending, and on revising overall, so I'm still not happy with it. It's been a couple months since I last tried working on it, and it's just sitting there gathering figurative cobwebs... But a small voice in my mind asks, "What's the point? Who's gonna read it anyway?" So, even though I want to revise, I push it off to follow behind 'more pressing' tasks.

I mentioned before that I've joined a group on DeviantArt that involves writing partners. Well, my writing partner may be writing her heart out, but I've yet to see anything of it. I've told her I'm more than willing to take a look at what she's written, but other than an exchange of 'hellos', and my readings of her journals, I've not received anything else. Thus, I have decided to post an open profile directly to the group, advertising, if you will, myself as a proofreader/criticizer. I wish I could have a partner who would tug on my hair and force me to write, but I highly doubt anyone I meet online could have that influence on me.

As far as the RP goes, it comes and goes in waves. If you didn't know already, I'm part of a group who each take a character (or two...or three) in a collaborative Harry Potter roleplay. While I have people waiting on me to post...I find myself really not caring. There are maybe 15 active members, and during the school year we have maybe 5 of them actively participating. I think I've been left hanging for weeks one too many times, because right now, I can't be bothered.

And writing for fun...it's almost funny how little I want to do that. I mean, I think I'm good at writing, and I think (that's right, they've gone from 'know' to 'think') that's what I want to do with my life, but with motivation at a zero and paychecks at the forefront in my mind, fun/frivolous writing almost makes me sick.

I Should...Read library books ~ Read my book club's book ~ Read the huge collection of unread books on my shelves
I currently have 2 books checked out: The Gun Seller by Hugh Laurie (Blackadder, A Bit of Fry & Laurie, House M.D.) and Fire by Kristen Cashore (Graceling). I'm about halfway through The Gun Seller, and I find it fun and engaging, but when put up against the ease of watching TV... Well, it's due Saturday, so I'll have to finish it by then. Fire still has a week after that. But, maybe it's just me, but I HATE reading with other people in the room. I don't know, I just find it rude. It's probably the biggest reason I don't read much, and then only at night or in a bookstore.

I've pretty much taken over the running of Diffindo's (the HP website) book club. I make the posts, I pick the themes, I set up the polls, I try to remind people and get them interested, and I've read every book (well, except Watchmen, but actually no one ended up reading that one). But I can only do so much. I seem to be the only one who is interested in discussing books, even when I'm not the one who suggested it! This month is The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams, so I'm hoping that we'll get a little more interest. Anyone who's interested in this or any of the other 8 books we've read, just go here!

I recently made a list of the books on my shelf that I haven't read (Hitchhiker's Guide being one of them) and came up with around 100. Moral of the story, besides my book club selections, I think I'm staying away from the library for a while.

I Should...Watch the last 8 episodes of Dollhouse ~ Catch up on NCIS ~ Watch random TV ~ Play video games ~ Surf the internet
I loved Dollhouse, I really did, but knowing that it's over makes me in no hurry whatsoever to watch the episodes. Probably the best initiative coming up is that my TiVo is running out of room (with it recording every episode of Invader Zim).

I fell behind with NCIS last year, I think heading in to the winter break, and am now so far behind that I'll have to find the episodes online. It's just one of those that I've forgotten about with the 7 other shows I watch weekly.

TV in general is an ever-present distraction. Be it stupid cartoons (Fairly Odd Parents, Spongebob), addicting kid shows (iCarly, Phineas and Ferb, Avatar), interesting history shows (Life After People, Modern Marvels), or stuff that I really don't care about but am too lazy to leave the room (food/design shows). It also provides a good background noise to play video games to.

Besides the games we have for the Wii, I am also currently addicted to the DS game Black Sigil: The Blade of the Cursed. It's an role-play (somewhat) turn-based game that allows for leveling up a la Pokemon and gaining money and items in battle. It's something that allows for TV-watching and playing at the same time...though it's best if you aren't actually watching the TV, as it seems to be slightly time-based.

Then there's the random video-watching, article-reading, music-listening surfing that one likes to do on the internet in general. It may not make you feel accomplished, but it sure helps distract you for hours on end.

I Should...Draw for fun ~ Design shop items ~ Design floorplans
I haven't drawn in years, really. Not since my art class in junior year of high school, anyway. But I don't think I'm completely devoid of talent and I'd like to draw some characters I've been thinking of, just so I can stop 'borrowing' from other artists. It's just a matter of sitting down with some paper, a pencil, and a big eraser.

Diffindo recently got a money/shop code, but we've yet to create anything to buy/sell. As one of the graphic designers (and the only one seemingly with time on her hands), it falls to me to come up with things for those slots. Granted, the code isn't perfect yet (you can only sell a maximum of 5 things), so we aren't putting anything up for sale yet, but it's best to have things ready.

I've also created floorplans for the RP site (visible on my DeviantArt), but when one building has 10 floors and I've only finished 6...I still have work to do. I find these fun to do, but they do take a lot of time and can get rather repetitive, so I find myself putting them off until I get a LOT of motivation.

I Should...Keep in touch with friends
You'd think this would be fairly easy with my small pool of friends. That's right, I'll be the first to say that I'm quite the recluse. I have low self-esteem (as explained earlier) so I often don't want to impose on others. A year ago I would have said I had a large number of internet friends, but with them all moving on to increasing 'Real Life' activities, I'd draw that number back to 4 or 5. As far as people I've met in my own 'Real Life', outside of college I never see them. I don't have co-workers to hang with, I don't have a bowling league to meet with...I don't really have anybody.

I Actually Do Sleep
Practically the only 'good' thing I do constantly is sleep. Granted, I do it at a bad time (around 4am to 2pm), and I rarely actually want to get out of bed (gee, I wonder why), but at least I'm not an insomniac.


But even with all that stuff crowding me, I still look to the future and am taking small steps forward. Cleaning my face and starting to apply makeup is my first step, and I'll probably set finishing The Gun Seller as my second. Job hunting is definitely at the forefront of my thoughts, but overstressing it won't get anything done, and that is a step that I'll probably have to divide up into smaller steps. Dieting correctly and exercise will be especially hard steps, and might even take multiple tries, but I'm positive I'll tackle them and succeed eventually.


And, funnily enough, as if on cue, this song happened to come on my shuffle just as I was finishing this post:

Relient K ~ More Than Useless

I feel like, I would like
To be somewhere else doing something that matters
And I'll admit here, while I sit here
My mind wastes away and my doubts start to gather

What's the purpose? It feels worthless
So unwanted like I've lost all my value
I can't find it, not in the least bit
and I'm just scared, so scared that I'll fail you

And sometimes I think that I'm not any good at all
And sometimes I wonder why, why I'm even here at all
But then you assure me

I'm a little more than useless
And when I think that I can't do this
You promise me that I'll get through this
And do something right
Do something right for once

So I say if I can't, do something significant
I'll opt to leave most opportunities wasted
And nothing trivial, that life could give me will
Measure up to what might have replaced it

Too late look, my date book
Is packed full of days that were empty and now gone
And I bet, that regret
Will prove to get me to improve in the long run

And sometimes I think that I'm not any good at all
And sometimes I wonder why, why I'm even here at all
But then you assure me

I'm a little more than useless
And when I think that I can't do this
You promise me that I'll get through this
And do something right
Do something right for once

I’m a little more than useless
And I never knew I knew this
Was gonna the day, gonna be the day
That I would do something right
Do something right for once

I notice, I know this
Week is a symbol of how I use my time
Resent it, I spent it
Convincing myself the world's doing just fine
Without me
Doing anything of any consequence
Without me
Showing any sign of ever making sense
Of my time , it's my life
And my right, to use it like I should
Like he would, for the good
Of everything that I would ever know

I'm a little more than useless
When I think that I can't do this
You promise me that I'll get through this
And do something right
Do something right for once

I’m a little more than useless
And I never knew I knew this
Was gonna the day, gonna be the day
That I would do something right
Do something right for once

Until next time,
~Vicki