Showing posts with label critique. Show all posts
Showing posts with label critique. Show all posts

Friday, January 11, 2013

A Critical Feature

Sorry about the lateness of this one, but the idea came rather late.

Last month I had the pleasure of participating in a great Critique contest on deviantART hosted by one of the many lit groups I'm a part of:

Super Writers Help


This contest featured six prose pieces and eight poems, offered up by various members and staff from the group, for critique and comments.
The person who critiqued the most pieces won.

I managed to read and critique all 6 prose pieces, but as poetry is not my forte I declined adding my input. It's not that I hate poetry, really, it's more that I don't understand all the rules, types, and tones that poems should/could be, so I don't find myself confident enough to offer my opinions, in terms of critique anyway.

But I'd like to share with you the pieces I did critique, a couple of which are utterly phenomenal, so you might enjoy them as much as I did.

The Boy's Gift
by *007Balel
We walked into the room, only to be welcomed by the stench of blood. Suddenly I fell silent; no words could be uttered from my lying mouth. I was shocked to find his body tied up to a cold and hardwood chair in the middle of this deserted room. A grisly and dimmed light hung above his head, swinging to and fro every time the door was opened, threatening to fall and crack open onto his skull. A dim circle illuminated his head, shadowing the rest of his face. This was ironic; it was like he was some sort of subject ready to be questioned, but if he even happened to utter a word, we would beat the crap out of his thin and scrawny frame.

The Tale Of The Little Robot
by *Diluculi
In a land far far away there was a scientist. This scientist was very curious. He nearly knew everything about every thing in the universe. But there was one question he couldn't answer himself. So he built a computer. It wasn't small or pretty, but that did not bother the scientist. The computer should only be able to do one thing. He should answer the question the scientist could not. The when the computer was started, he asked it: "What is the sense of life?" The computer made no sound but several lights started flickering. The scientist was patient, so he waited.

Time passed by and the scientist still waited.

Even more time passed until the computer gave an answer. A small piece of paper slit out of it somewhere. The scientist read: "Too many variables. More input needed."

An Angel's War (Part 1)
by ~Zune164
Today is my first day of being an Angel. I know what you're thinking, a messenger of God, with snow white wings and a halo. Playing the trumpet and shouting the return of God. Well, I can't play the trumpet to save my life. Plus I have no halo and black wings. If you are the sheep and Jesus is the shepherd, we are the shepherd's crook. We are the Angel corps. We fight demons on earth to protect humans. This is my story of how I became an Angel.

Devil of a Friend
by *TheTerrorOfTheDeep
Seth died on a sunny day.

They held his funeral three days later. It had been sunny then too. I didn't go. I was too busy trying to exorcise Seth's ghost. I burned sage, but it didn't seem to bother him. Instead, I sneezed.

"It's your fault I'm dead."

I sat on my bed with a red sheet wrapped around me and over my head so it formed a hood. I gripped it closed over my chest. "Stop lying."

He settled across from me, echoing my Indian style so our knees would have touched. Even as a ghost, he was taller than me. "I'm not lying. If I never met you, then none of this would have happened."

"The way I see it you would have died sooner." I glared at some lint on my lap. When he laughed, I jerked my glare up to him.

"You know what I love about this whole thing?" He smiled. "Is that only you can see me. Maybe I am just a figment of your imagination, brought on by guilt."

I smirked right back. "I would have to feel guilt for that."
*For some reason this amazing deviation was moved to storage...so despite it being one of my favorites, you can only enjoy and comment on the copy made for the contest.
Still, do be sure to check it out!*


The Dissection of How
by *vespera
When they asked me how I could do it, I told them it was like making love.

You start slowly, with your eyes on the skin of your beloved. You take your time. You notice if she is cream or churning butter, any layer of milk fat, really - and if she is, if she's dotted with freckles (and you almost don't want to wait to find the rest.) Or, perhaps, she's semi-translucent and you can see her tiny blue veins on close inspection. You notice that maybe she is none of these things. She may be copper, beer-glass brown, or even two minutes from melting into the night.
*Another of my favorites, and that last line of the second paragraph is simply ingenious.
Go read the entire thing NOW!*


Death by Conversation
by ~LuckyClover38
         The ground is truly beautiful today. The dirt is a lovely, rich brown color. It's not quite muddy but a little damp and sprinkled in fine powder. There are some musty, rotting leaves, littered across the ground like no one cares for them. No one probably does. They are limp like corpses. You can't forget about those pretty little ants though. They track with heavy crumbs on their backs, spinning circles. Beautiful isn't it? So I might as well just keep staring at that loathsome ground and hope he doesn't come over to talk to me. But, of course I'm not that lucky am I? Oh no. Of course he's coming to talk to me. These ants are really fascinating today. Really interesting. More interesting than his face, which I refuse to look at as I have done since I met him.

         Hi.


Like I said, I had a lot of fun with the contest, and I'm sure the other 3 participants did too! If you'd like to check out all the submissions, as well as see some of the comments/critiques we left, head on over to Super Writers Help and check out the contest folder! Also, I hope you enjoy reading some of these fantastic pieces as much as I did.

(Seriously, check out #4 and #5 and show them some MAJOR love. You won't be sorry.)

Hope you have a great weekend!
Written by Vicki S at 6:09 PM 0 Replies
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Monday, April 9, 2012

Critic vs Writer - An Attempt Towards Reconciliation

{Originally posted on DeviantArt}

I am a book blogger.

Since not everyone is familiar with the term, I'll go ahead and lay it out for you. I read, analyze, and write about books. I give my opinion on characters, setting, genre, style, and sometimes even covers. I say what works, what doesn't, and what I'd like to see.

In short, I criticize.

Back - back foul demon! Burn the witch! Don't come anywhere near me!

Yeah, I know you're all thinking it. What gives me the right to rifle through someone's hard work and put its flaws on display? Who do I think I am, slandering authors with false interpretations and quotes made out of context?

I'm a writer.

Yeah, of nothing but muck and lies.

No, no, I mean I write my own fiction. Or at least I did.

What, couldn't take some of your own medicine?

Yes and no.

Huh?

Like most writers, I crave exposure. I want my work out there, read by the masses and enjoyed. DeviantArt, my blog, they're both small outlets where my writing can be seen.

But, as most writers have discovered, exposure can be a double-edged sword. With the good results (loved it! you're great!) come the bad (wow, this is horrible! use spell check next time!). These one sentence wonders are usually good for a 2-minute burst of joy/anguish, then are forgotten.

Moving past these frivolous 'reviews', we move into the longer, more thought-out comments that every writer craves. Unfortunately, you can still get long, eloquent descriptions of how you stink. Case in point, here's a comment on one of my pieces I'd written for class, revised for a challenge, and posted on DA:



Ouch.

Out of all of the critiques I received on that piece (10 plus replies), his by far hit me the hardest. It was actually hard enough that I wrote a scathing reply about how nothing said was constructive and he stunk as a reviewer. Not quite in that language, but that was the gist. I was hurt and I didn't care who knew.

That's right, I've been there.

So why the hell would you do that to us/other writers?

I'm not finished.

There are also critiques that are actually helpful, more along the lines of, "I liked this, but I didn't understand that," or, "I think you need to work on your dialog tags - it feels choppy when you use he said she said over and over again," or, "I wish there was a bit more buildup to the kiss - I didn't feel it was believable quite yet." These offer that blessed balance of good and bad that gives the writer encouragement, while still pointing out their weak spots.

This is the kind of critique I try to give every time I write. "I really liked ___, it made this a joy to read. Unfortunately, I wasn't feeling ____ which was kinda distracting. But on the whole, I think you have a great plot/character/style and I hope to see more from you in the future."

Well, that's not so bad...

Right?

But what about stuff that's already finished and published? They can't go back and fix what you catch! You're attacking defenseless authors & books at that point.

Firstly, I'm flattered that you think best-selling authors are reading or feeling the backlash of my reviews. And even those independent authors are tougher than you think.

Secondly, I treat my reviews just like I do my critiques. I try my hardest to present the good with the bad. And if that fails, I emphasize emphatically that I'm stating an opinion which is solely my own and may in all likeliness differ for other people.

Yeah right.

Okay, here's an example I handled just recently. Over the course of two days I read Crushed by K.C. Blake, an independently published book that she sent me for review. I didn't like it.

I never connected with the main characters, I noticed a couple continuity errors, and I thought there needed to be a lot more polishing overall. I also had a personal issue with the way the main character handled one situation. And I wrote as much in my review.

At the end of my reviews, I always have an Overall & Recommendation section in which I summarize my feelings and generalize who I think would enjoy that book. Here was my final summary for Crushed:



I posted the full review here, GoodReads, and DA, plus the final paragraph alone on Smashwords (where she'd originally uploaded it). My GoodReads and Smashwords reviews also received 2-star ratings.

Ouch.

Yeah, I know.

I don't know what made me dislike Crushed so much, but I did. Maybe it was having just read an amazing professionally-published book just before it. Maybe I wanted to read the next book on my list too much. Maybe it was never connecting with the main character. Or maybe I was just in a pissy mood.

To make me feel even worse, it seemed like absolutely everyone else who'd read it (and reviewed) rated it at 4 or 5 stars. What was my problem?

What was your problem?

I don't know. But I wasn't going to lie about it. I wasn't going to suddenly say, "Wait guys, just kidding, I loved it!" Cause I really didn't. But I felt like I needed to fix my review...so I did:



So you see, I do try to promote the book I read, even if I wasn't too thrilled myself.

But why do it in the first place? What makes you so great?

Honestly? Nothing. I just enjoy reading and writing about what I read.

And why I do it? Well, in theory, I'd love my reviews to spark conversations. I kinda miss the book-fueled conversations we'd have in school, even if they were assigned reads. And even outside of school, I met some great friends while bonding over Harry Potter. By sharing what I read, I'd love if my work somehow facilitated a bond like what I have with my friends.

I'd also love if my reviews prompted someone to read and enjoy a book they'd otherwise not have read. When I was in school, we were forced to read so many depressing books. One year we even had the theme "Man's Inhumanity Towards Man", for which we read A Farewell to Arms, Of Mice and Men, Night, and The Crucible one right after the other. I remember thinking to myself, "No wonder some people hate reading! If this is all they're ever made to read, I'd hate reading, too."

So I'd like to think I'm doing my small part in promoting good literature. I may not reach thousands, or even hundreds of people, but I'm doing what I love.

And if, in the process, I step on some toes or ruffle some feathers, I'm sorry. I always try to be as polite and tactful as I can be, but in the end I'm not going to stifle my opinion. If someone has a problem with what or how I write, please critique me!

And that's why I critique and review. So...we good?

Please do let me know what you think.
Love, hate, agree, disagree - I want to know!
Written by Vicki S at 5:30 AM 4 Replies
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Thursday, March 15, 2012

When Posting, How Polite is Too Polite?


I was entering a few book giveaways on Goodreads.com the other day (yes, I’m officially hooked on that “giveaway crack”) and whenever I came across a compelling new (to me) YA book, I would click on the author’s website or blog to check it out.

It was a really nice way to get to know more about some fellow YA authors and I ran across one in particular who was a grade-A, hmmm, how should I put this? A grade-A… personality. And I mean that in the epically most awesome way ever.

Seriously; she had attitude to spare and it was such a… revelation. I think she was ranting about some bad review or another and just really going to town; about readers, writers, publishers, the whole ball of wax. It was great to read because I was like, “Wow, she said what she really wanted in a really honest and unvarnished way… and no one’s running her out of town with pitchforks and torches!”

Personally, I try to come off as very polite, non-feather-ruffling and generally a helpful, nurturing kind of guy. Part of that is the teacher in me; I was trained to be politically correct, helpful, nurturing and generally stay in control of my emotions in front of a class full of kids.

Part of that is just me; if you meet me I pretty much am polite, helpful, calm, even-keeled, etc. But it’s not ALL of me. Drive with me for five minutes and you’ll hear enough cussing to get an NC-17 rating. Stick around while I read a bad review and you’ll hear a whole lot more! And I certainly have VERY strong feelings about writing, reading, reviews, bad reviews, publishing, agents, eBooks, print books and more.

I just always figured I should avoid sharing that hardcore, personal or angry or venting or rant-y stuff with my young, impressionable readers. Then I remembered, most YAs don’t exactly flock to my blog! (Come to think of it, most adults don’t either!) And even if they did, wouldn’t they prefer getting the “real” me versus the watered down version?

It’s not that I’m some big, fat phony when I post. I’m always honest, but I’m generally… polite. I don’t swear or foam at the mouth or rant and rave and, well, would it be so terribly bad if I did once in awhile?

So, I dunno, reading that YA author’s blog the other day was a real revelation. It kind of made it “okay” to be me, or at least a little bit more like the real me.

I don’t think I’ll be swearing and ranting and raving like this one author, but she’s far from alone. I know of several YA author blogs where writers, readers, even reviewers are quite frank, fun, wise, sarcastic, sassy and with plenty of… personality.

So what do you think? How polite is too polite? Or should bloggers abide by a certain “code” and keep themselves to themselves? Comment boxes are open; fire away!"

Yours in YA,

Rusty
~~~
My Reply:
I'm in the same boat as you are. I try to be as polite and tactful in my posts (even my negative ones) while still infusing my personality in what I write. Whenever I read over something of mine and go "Ooh, that's a bit harsh," I delete and re-write it in a less-harsh way.

At the same time, I enjoy reading a couple other blogs that don't hold back anything. They think it - they write it. Sometimes I agree with them, and sometimes I can only wince as books I love get flaming tomatoes thrown at them.

I think that by all means, you shouldn't censor your thoughts or emotions. If something pisses you off, and you think it's worth posting about it, go right ahead.

But most importantly, you still need to tailor your posts to the audience you want to attract. Language, content, and subject matter should focus on them. If you want a blog that can be read by teachers, parents, and teens, you're probably going to be a lot tamer than, say, just writing for high-school/college age.

Most importantly, and I think all writers know this (or will eventually), you can't appeal to everyone. You gotta do what you know how to do, and what you like to do. If you prefer your writing to ruffle feathers, and enjoy reading the responses of such, go for it.

Thanks, Rusty!
Written by Vicki S at 5:30 AM 0 Replies
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Thursday, February 25, 2010

A New Tunnel for Critique

Well howdy, y'all!

Welcome back, didja miss me much? Yes, once again this has come a bit late, and I apologize. Work should be back on schedule for Wednesdays next week, after the Olympics.

So, I promised some feedback from the Young Writer's Workshop I attended last week, and, well, here it is... It wasn't all that helpful for me.

The workshop met at the local Powell's Bookstore (I could easily insert a long, loving review of Powell's, but to save time, energy, and space, just check them out at their site) and included about 25 guests ranging from around 12 years-old to teachers and librarians. The hosts were three published children's authors: Rosanne Parry (Heart of a Shepherd), Fran Cannon Slayton (When the Whistle Blows), and Edith M. Hemingway (Road to Tater Hill). The event was well miked, well insulated (they shut the larger of the doors adjoining the mall for less interruption), and well organized. It lasted about an hour, maybe hour-and-a-half.

The topic was "An Inside Look at Story Critique: How Writers Help Other Writers," which sounded really good for me. After all, not only am I interested in writing, but editing and/or proofreading is one of my main interests for an income as well. But the majority of what the three guest Authors spoke about was the importance of writing/critique groups.

Now, don't get me wrong, I don't disapprove of writing groups. On the contrary, after hearing the pros and cons from the workshop, I think I would be interested in joining one, myself. However, I was a bit disappointed that this was the main topic when the title suggested so much more. I had hoped that the authors would have offered some useful techniques for critiquing, perhaps some suggestions on receiving critique, or perhaps on delivering it. But alas, that was to come only in the form of a handout.

Also, though I did suspect this to be the case (considering the use of 'youth' in the title), the overall tone of the workshop tended toward the younger range of the audience. Some of their suggestions involved 'summer camps' or 'asking your school librarian,' which obviously wouldn't apply to anyone above high-school age.

However, I did take some useful notes about Writing Groups:
  • Set up a regular meeting interval - once-a-month, every-two-weeks, weekends, etc.
  • If your schedule is such that you can't meet regularly, or if your group is spread across the country (college buddies), it might be better to set up a writer's retreat every year or so, while exchanging drafts via e-mail in the meantime.
  • If your group tends toward longer projects, it might be useful to set a page-cap on the work you exchange.
  • It's helpful to exchange work via e-mail, read, and review it before you meet. That way, you know what you want to say, or what is important to point out, instead of skimming it too fast at the meeting.
  • Make sure to pick a meeting place that is comfortable - coffee shop, otherwise empty house, library meeting room, etc.
  • Writing 'groups' can be as small as 2 and as large as 10, but be careful you don't have too many people that you can't read and critique all of their work.
  • Your group should have a similar goal. Put another way, scriptwriters should be in one group, poets in another. It might be useful to get the opinion of another stylist every once in a while, but more often than not, your writing expertise won't be helpful to each other. Even more specifically, fanfiction writers are aiming for a different media than short-story or novella writers.
  • Benefits of Writing Groups include:
    - getting help in areas that aren't your strength (dialogue, plot, female characters, etc.)
    - drawing off of others' reading experience
    - writing can be a long practice, receiving critique can help break up the year(s) into more manageable segments
    - your group-mates often offer encouragement
    - they can approach your story from a reader's perspective, tell you if it's working for them
    - they can help point out clichéd, weak, or lazy writing
    - reading work aloud (especially dialogue) often helps gain a new perspective
  • Writing Groups do have their pitfalls:
    - showing your work too early, and getting a bad critique, might leave you discouraged
    - over time your group-mates might begin to lose their objectivity toward your work
    - group dynamics, goals, and schedules change--you might have to move on
After the main lecture, the authors then split the audience into three groups; younger writers, teenage writers, and teachers/librarians. Though I, obviously, did not fit any of the three groups, I sat in on the teens and listened to a couple first-pages and critiques. Frankly, the readers weren't very loud, and I have a horrid memory, so I didn't make any comments.

The event ended with our group leader, Edie Hemingway (no relation, unfortunately, to Ernest), passing out a one-page sheet on How To Critique. Probably the most useful thing I got out of the workshop...

Guidelines for Critiquing Other Writers' Work
distributed by Edie Hemingway

  1. First, read the work as a "reader"--for the story (or content) itself and for your first impression.
  2. Go back and read again as a "writer." Look at the different craft elements the writer has used.
  3. Mark the areas you really like--maybe a particular description, natural dialogue, believable characters, etc.
  4. Are the basic writing skills--grammar, sentence structure, spelling, etc.--correct?
  5. Does the dialogue sound natural? Does it flow? Are there unnecessary words that don't add to the story?
  6. Are the characters believable? True to their ages, time, and setting?
  7. Does it have a clear setting? Neutral? Specific in time, place, atmosphere? Does it have an emotional setting?
  8. Are the verbs active? Is there too frequent use of helping verbs, such as am, is, are, was?
  9. Are there echoes of specific words (overused) throughout the piece?
  10. Does the author overuse "qualifying" words such as just, only, maybe, sometimes, etc.?
  11. If the work is fictional, does the plot make sense? Do the scenes drive the plot forward? Is there a climax and resolution?
  12. From what point of view (POV) is the story written? First person? Third person? Is the POV consistent, or does it change back and forth without notice? If the reader is in one character's head, other characters can show their thoughts only through actions and/or dialogue.
  13. When it's your turn to critique, always start with something positive. What is it that you particularly liked about the work?
  14. Be tactful, but be honest and specific when making negative comments or suggestions. Example: "I notice that there is a change of POV here. Was that intentional?" "I notice frequent use of adverbs. Maybe you could try using stronger verbs, instead."
*If you, as the author, do not agree with a suggestion, a safe thing to say is, "I'll think about that." Remember, ultimately, this is your work, and you have the final say about revisions!

Personally, I would put the last two points at the beginning, but that may have something to do with my recent experience with a poorly done critique.

In similar news, I have recently (today, in fact) teamed up with a fellow writer on DeviantArt! We were paired through the Adopt-A-Writer group, and have just exchanged our first communications. I'm really excited about exchanging critiques, so here's hoping for the best!

And, with that, I think I'll be saddlin' up and headin' off into that there sunset...

Until we next meet,
~Vicki~
Written by Vicki S at 12:34 AM 2 Replies
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Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Construction Progress Report

Greetings, ladies and gentlemen,

I trust that this report finds you well. Construction on The Den is going ahead as planned: the supports are holding up, the library is coming along nicely, and the work crew has good morale, despite some of the press our project has received. But more on that later in the report.

This is most likely finding you a bit later than usual, but that must be attributed to the fact that the Olympics are currently underway. In fact, the overall pace of operations has slowed slightly, but I assure you that this speed bump is essential for morale to continue. There is nothing like the four S's (skating, snowboarding, skiing, and speeding full-force down a hill) to get the blood pumping, even if the staff is doing it vicariously through the television. This is, of course, preferable to the extra cost and risk of injury that traveling to, or competing in the games would bring. Rest assured that these minor setbacks will not be detrimental to the project's goals and deadlines. Normal schedules should resume within the next two weeks.

In less exciting news, we have received our first bit of bad press. Yesterday, a rather lengthy review was left on our most recent publication, Nothing Personal, and I'm sorry to say that none of it was good.

I don't want to spend more time in a character's head than necessary; pathos is something to be avoided anyhow, not embraced.

Might I also point out that simply re-writing a story to increase the potency of the effect it already has does not qualify as a revision.

And I don't want to know a character that's going to be murdered a page or two away. I mean, yeah, there's some clumsy writing and some of the detail selection is careless and awkward, but to taunt the reader with a character and then to kill them off is some nerve. I mean, a lot of the breadth here could be summed up in a few good, short, strong paragraphs instead of the engrossing play-by-play the reader is treated to. That way we're not bored and ready to quit by the time the male thief is murdered and don't feel irked with the writer for essentially misleading us and thus wasting our time by teasing us with the eccentricities of a thief we never get to fully explore.

Bottom (yet superfluous) line: Tricking the reader is a cardinal sin, and allowing the reader enough rope to hang themselves with is just plain carelessness--its not much better, but it is excusable, and I think that's the case here. If the story is about the female thief, which it appears to be, then for Heaven's sakes -don't- have the male thief be the object of third-person limited! Don't even use third-person limited at all! Such a beginning requires the use of the omniscient narrator, that way a switch between subjects/people occurs without a second thought, and the narrator is allowed to keep distance between characters the reader isn't supposed to bond with.

Yours Sincerely,
~D.
We at The Wolf's Den appealed to the critic with as polite a response as was possible. We tried to give as much appreciation for the time they so obviously put in to their critique, but at the same time give them a healthy amount of objection for a scathing review.

Firstly, I'd like to thank you for writing a review, albeit one that offers no constructive criticism. One might be able to gleam one or two suggestions from your comments, but on the whole, 'scrap it and start over' isn't something any writer can build on. Still, it's nice to get the first purely negative critique out of the way, so thanks.

Actually, revision is just that. So, no, you may not try to point that out.

Third-person limited was one of the requirements for the workshop that this was submitted for. Sorry (not really) you don't approve.

My bottom line: I'm not apologetic at all for the bait and switch. That's what this piece is, pure and simple. Do I think it would hold up for the beginning of a longer work? Maybe it would, maybe it wouldn't. It all depends on the tone. I am sorry that you don't prefer this style of writing, as I (and I'm sure other readers) have found it quite enjoyable when utilized properly. Granted, this may not be utilized properly at all, and the other reviewers who enjoyed it might all be gits... But I prefer to err on the side of self-preservation (and the larger number of positive critiques).

If you'd like to take a bit more time, I'd appreciate a bit more help and less pomposity.

Sincerely,
~Vicki
I am quite pleased to report that this appeal yielded quite a pleasing response. Not only has the critic rescinded some of his claims, but has offered some sound advice that I believe will most certainly be taken into consideration if not acted upon.

I have been taught that the first duty of the writer is to be honest and responsible with the reader; the first duty of the reader is to trust, to be patient, and to be generous; that is, to go along for the ride, quietly correct mistakes, if found, and look over minor, irritating flaws, and to save discussion of more major ones for later.

My criticism of your piece has more to do with the structural, and even spiritual, workings of your piece as opposed to the surface workings. I am talking about bone structure (third-person limited vs. omniscient), as opposed to what color the eyes should be (this word over that word). You already have enough people suggesting better words, sentences, delivery, etc., but you don't seem to have a lot of people wondering about major structural things, like which point of view to select, or which character to make the focus of the story.

I mean, who cares if some piece of writing is 'cliché' when it will most likely be gotten rid of in the revision process? You already know my suggestions for the piece: cut down goblet lover's role to a paragraph or two, and then bring in the female thief, because that's (one of) the directions I see the story going. You don't even have to change the point of view entirely, just the person whom the camera follows. Have the female thief be perched in the rafters or something, critiquing his style in her head, all the while putting up with a killer craving for a ham sandwich. People don't like it when they don't get something they want, it puts them in a bad mood. And I'm sure she knows who goblet lover is. I mean, what -other- thief in the “property re-appropriation business” would be jacking some tawdry bauble all the while professing his love to it as though the goblet were Snow White and he's Prince Charming? What a weirdo! He probably doesn't even bathe, (lol). She didn't even come for the goblet, anyhow, she came for some elaborate tapestry -next- to the goblet (which is why she's about to do what she's about to do), but because she's cranky because she didn't get her ham sandwich, and because she doesn't really like the guy in the first place, and because she -can- kill him, she decides to do it anyway. (When people know they can do something and get away with it, they often do.) And the reason Lady Thief so easily kills Goblet Lover is because she's the pro, and he's just some amateur with a thing for goblets (who's learned a few tricks from the pros or through internet research). He's like that guy at the party that no one likes, not because he's a jerk, but because he's just.... strange. Why do I say, suggest, and explore all of this (the ham sandwich thing is a bit of a stretch)? Because you can totally tell by the way Lady Thief is treated that she's the real hoff-hoffa here. She just glides gracefully and without fault, does what she wishes, how she wishes to, with no fear of failure, for she is the Goddess in this fictive world. -She- is your protagonist, not Kumkuat, the Goblet Hoarder.

Did I mention you have plot, characterization, and atmosphere? Oh yes, you do. We know what's going on, we know who's doing it, and we know where it's happening. Someone is stealing a goblet, it's Goblet Lover who is the one stealing said goblet, and it's happening on a clear night with the moon out in full force, giving everything that soft glow that only a full moon on a clear night can provide. The details could be a little more distinct, a little more exact, the movie playing in our minds a little more crisp and vivid, but we've been given enough detail to work with (anyone with a decent imagination has all they need to image-craft).

You succeed tremendously in attempting to breathe life to this little man who has a thing for goblets such that his love for goblets seems to border on the fetish to the outside observer; he's so involved in his own pathology that he probably doesn't even see the harm in stealing priceless artifacts from the viewing public. The problem is that you've done your job too well. You focus so much on goblet lover that the reader just assumes this must be the one he is to care about; this is the protagonist. So that when he -is- finally killed (because he's not the protagonist), the reader becomes upset, cries foul, and prosecutes in civil court for breach of contract. LoL, I mean, I enjoyed your character so much that I attacked you for killing him! How's that? “Here's the man I'm supposed to care about, and I do, and then you kill him? Wtf? I call shenanigans.”

You had adequate tension in the plot, too. Goblet lover wants the goblet, he's getting the goblet, he almost has the goblet, but then in comes the damn red-head again, suddenly in comes the red-haired Valkyrie to smite him. And for... what reason, exactly? I mean, talk about a sudden turn of events; it's bizarre. This red-haired woman just comes out of no where, omnipotent, and derails the entire story you had set in motion.

And so I have to ask you, which character is this story about? Goblet Lover, or Lady Thief? You make the goblet lover your protagonist due to the fact that Goblet Lover is the “center” of the story's perspective. Because this is third-person limited, and everything we see in this world, we see first in relation to the goblet lover—everything is valued through him, seen through him, measured through him, etc. But then along comes Lady Thief with her laundry list of privileges to wreck havoc on the story.

If the story is about Goblet Lover, then he cannot be killed so early in the story, and not without good cause. If the story is about Lady Thief, then you need to reduce Goblet Lover's role in the story to a few paragraphs and save the rest of the spotlight for her. I mean, you can't have characters, like Lady Thief, come barging in, running amok, and trampling all over the narrative you're weaving. Because Goblet Lover is killed so early, and because he is so easily dispatched (he is effectively a victim, a victim being someone who can only ever be acted upon; things happen to him, but he does not make things happen) it makes the reader think that the story is really about Lady Thief, because why would any protagonist get killed off in a page or two, and so easily at that? After reading your story, the reader is confused. And irritated because of it.

But maybe this has all been for nothing. Maybe this isn't really a story at all and is just some mere exercise turned into the Writer's Workshop because you were bored at the time, making this entire analysis beside the point.

In any case, I hopes this helps, I'm sorry for being a jerk face, and hopefully what you have now received from me is more in line with your expectations for good criticism, because believe or not, I've just given you two, maybe even three, hours of my life. At the very least, I hope you don't accuse me of being insincere.

Regards,
~D.
The staff here at The Wolf's Den are now in process of constructing a most appreciative reply, and we hope to continue catching this critic's eye in the future. We've weathered our first bad critique with enthusiasm and poise, and come away with solid plans for the future.

And that brings us to the final order of business: future planning. This Friday we are mandating the staff attend a Writer's Workshop on good critiquing practices. Powell's Books is holding the event with writers Rosanne Parry, Fran Cannon Slayton, and Edith M. Hemingway, and it looks to be an exciting opportunity. A recap of the event will likely be included in next week's write-up.

As always, thank you for your continued patronage.

Best regards,

~Vicki~
Written by Vicki S at 8:13 PM 0 Replies
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